First of all, the Good Scale told me 204.0 this morning. CS was right about small plateaus and then drops. Next of all, I only started the injections this morning. So I can hope for this continued brisk loss pace to continue, hopefully, for the next ten pounds.
This is a very low calorie diet that was used in Italy in the 1970s at one of those expensive fat farm resorts. The physician who discovered it found that the use of this hormone (HCG) tended to create rapid weight loss with decreased hunger in very low calorie diets. Like 500 calories per day. The theory is that the HCG allows stored reserves of fat to be metabolized more easily such that the person feels less hunger than they might because they are easily and readily burning fat reserves that are on board.
This may be a Total Bunch of Bull. However, I have lost eleven pounds in nine days. Clearly some of this is water. The weird thing is that this diet not only limits you to 500 calories per day, it also limits the kinds of things you can eat to make those calories. I was not a believer until I went off program last week when we were in Oregon and my choices (especially in terms of food preparation) were more limited. And I had a small gain and I had a two day plateau. It is hard for someone like me to understand why an apple is OK but a pear is not. Why Swiss Chard is lovely but mushrooms are not OK. My brain is always spinning and working and being a curious AND cynical sort of person, it drives me nuts not to understand these things.
However, I believe that I must surrender to this process and stop asking so many questions about it and stop turning things over and over in my head and just roll with it.
And indeed, I have been hunting down HCG recipes that work and OH MY GOD I found a killer one last night. So good that I am going to make it again (in larger quantities) for my family. Darling Boy asked for a bite of what I was having and then hooted "MAKE THIS FOR EVERYONE MOM!"
So, I thought I'd share it with you all: Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps
* 4 oz chicken (shredded or ground - I just cut mine into wee pieces)
* two tablespoons minced onion (I used more. I love onion)
* minced garlic - to taste (Use tons. Life is wonderful because Garlic is in it.)
* 1 minced serrano or jalapeno pepper (I used serrano)
* 2 tablespoons minced celery
* minced ginger root. If you don't have ginger root just put in a pinch of dry ginger
* 1 cup savoy cabbage (it's the kind that looks like wrinkled paper. Not stinky at all)
* 1/4 to 1/2 cup chicken broth
* juice of a lime or half a lemon
* cilantro - OMG Can I just take a moment to say bow much I love fresh cilantro? Chop it up.
Get out the wok or a big ol' skillet. Chop the chicken into wee bits. Brown it and then add onion garlic, ginger and celery. Cook for about 5 minutes or les. Add the pepper, and cabbage and broth. I laid the cabbage leaves sortof over the mixture and let the leaves steam. When the leaves get slightly wilted, fish them out. Add cilantro and lemon juice and cook another couple of minutes. Then serve this mixture on the cabbage leaves, which make these pretty little rolls. People will think you are a genius. And it's only 245 calories for the whole thing.
SMW is having a party for her darling husband, the Hilarious Pastor, on Saturday. It's his birthday. I am travelling again from Thurs through Sat afternoon for work. If I'm not just blasted tired, I think I'll make these in large quantity to bring to the party, so I have something I KNOW I can eat. I just have to not eat tooo many of them. My wee recipe made about four cabbage leaf roll thingies, btw.
I surrender slowly, but it's 9 days in and I haven't said "oh fuck it" just yet.
And that's something, isn't it?
One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever
I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Decision
OK. I made a decision. I went to see my regular family physician Dr. C. I told her about my worries with the "homeopathic hcg" and she said "Come in to see me. I have a 5:45 appointment available." (What is it with things just being available when I really need them these days?) When I went in I was shocked. Dr. C had lost forty five pounds. She did it with the injectable "real hcg" - the kind you have to have a prescription for. She was very reassuring and I decided to change tactics and do the injectable hcg even though it will be a figurative and literal pain on the ass.
So. I am sitting here at the pharmacy awaiting my injectable stuff. DH will have to do the honors. BA said she will do it when we leave town again for work this Thursday. I feel relieved and then weirdly guilty. And no this was not because the scale didn't move this morong. I have been harboring doubts and I figure that if I feel that way it makes staying on program doubly hard. Dr. T said as much when I really questioned homeopathy.
At this point, my only question is if I now have to start all over with the fat loading days and so forth. I hope not. I suppose i'll just have to see how it goes.
It will be interesting to see if my loss numbers show a rate of change difference. But at least I will have confidence in the procedure I'm using. This is the procedure that I used two years ago when I lost so much weight and kept it off. Then dad died and then mother died and that was that. It is weird how you know you are putting weight back on but you somehow either cannot or will not do anything to stop the freefall. Well there's no place left to go but up.... or should I say DOWN from here.
So. I am sitting here at the pharmacy awaiting my injectable stuff. DH will have to do the honors. BA said she will do it when we leave town again for work this Thursday. I feel relieved and then weirdly guilty. And no this was not because the scale didn't move this morong. I have been harboring doubts and I figure that if I feel that way it makes staying on program doubly hard. Dr. T said as much when I really questioned homeopathy.
At this point, my only question is if I now have to start all over with the fat loading days and so forth. I hope not. I suppose i'll just have to see how it goes.
It will be interesting to see if my loss numbers show a rate of change difference. But at least I will have confidence in the procedure I'm using. This is the procedure that I used two years ago when I lost so much weight and kept it off. Then dad died and then mother died and that was that. It is weird how you know you are putting weight back on but you somehow either cannot or will not do anything to stop the freefall. Well there's no place left to go but up.... or should I say DOWN from here.
My First No Loss Morning
Well I hit a wall. Good Scale cheerfully told me that I am still at 206.2 this morning. I did an extra vigorous scale dance but to no avail. Then I thought - perhaps it's because I used tomato paste (25 cal) in my "chili" last night. But when I put on clothes this morning, they did not seem as tight. So I soldier on.
So I did make an HCG version of chili for dinner. Took the leanest ground meat I could find, gave self 5 oz versus 4 oz. Put in canned tomatoes and tomato paste (for about 50 cals total) and requisite spices and onions and garlic and was in Chili Heaven. And ate my sad little wasa bread thingie as my "grain" of the day. While you can have fruit and veggies on this diet, there is NO BREAD. I started to whine to myself about that until I realized I have a friend (Sexy Minister's Wife SMW) who is gluten intolerant and her whole life is about not having wheat. So I chastised myself as a Huge Whiner and moved on.
Today: lovely scallops on the trusty George Foreman Grill, with saute spinach and grilled pear. YUM. This eating plan makes you totally get your five servings of fruit/veg a day. Indeed, if I just did that forever, perhaps the rest would fall into place! Or fall off my ass, so to speak.
Went back to Whole Foods yesterday. This time, I felt somewhat less like I did not fit in. Cashier remembered me. Lovely woman, Eve - looks about 60 but teeny and with red hair. Vibrant. Will make the post church Whole Foods thing a routine I think. Because I'm sick of spinach, I bought Swiss Chard (which I like) and Kale. The Kale looks precisely like the tough skin of a dinosaur. How to make it?
The other thing that seems to be working is coming home for lunch every day. I have missed the socialization time with friends, but I think I might save money in the end and clearly I can have control over how things are prepared. And I get to blog. And I get to play solitaire. And I get to not work/return phone calls while I stuff a burger and fries into myself at work.
I have found the HCG Diet page on Facebook. There is a list of recipes (besides chili) I am going to try. I think tonight is Asian Night for me. It's only been seven days on this thing. They say that if you go 21 days, you make a habit of stuff. Whew. Fourteen more to go, in that case. But actually, I am wanting to do this diet for a total of at least 28 days. If I am Super Woman, I would go six weeks but we'll see how I make it. This is not easy. And if that stupid scale doesn't budge tomorrow, I'm gonna be having a Come to Jesus Meeting with Dr. Todd.
So I did make an HCG version of chili for dinner. Took the leanest ground meat I could find, gave self 5 oz versus 4 oz. Put in canned tomatoes and tomato paste (for about 50 cals total) and requisite spices and onions and garlic and was in Chili Heaven. And ate my sad little wasa bread thingie as my "grain" of the day. While you can have fruit and veggies on this diet, there is NO BREAD. I started to whine to myself about that until I realized I have a friend (Sexy Minister's Wife SMW) who is gluten intolerant and her whole life is about not having wheat. So I chastised myself as a Huge Whiner and moved on.
Today: lovely scallops on the trusty George Foreman Grill, with saute spinach and grilled pear. YUM. This eating plan makes you totally get your five servings of fruit/veg a day. Indeed, if I just did that forever, perhaps the rest would fall into place! Or fall off my ass, so to speak.
Went back to Whole Foods yesterday. This time, I felt somewhat less like I did not fit in. Cashier remembered me. Lovely woman, Eve - looks about 60 but teeny and with red hair. Vibrant. Will make the post church Whole Foods thing a routine I think. Because I'm sick of spinach, I bought Swiss Chard (which I like) and Kale. The Kale looks precisely like the tough skin of a dinosaur. How to make it?
The other thing that seems to be working is coming home for lunch every day. I have missed the socialization time with friends, but I think I might save money in the end and clearly I can have control over how things are prepared. And I get to blog. And I get to play solitaire. And I get to not work/return phone calls while I stuff a burger and fries into myself at work.
I have found the HCG Diet page on Facebook. There is a list of recipes (besides chili) I am going to try. I think tonight is Asian Night for me. It's only been seven days on this thing. They say that if you go 21 days, you make a habit of stuff. Whew. Fourteen more to go, in that case. But actually, I am wanting to do this diet for a total of at least 28 days. If I am Super Woman, I would go six weeks but we'll see how I make it. This is not easy. And if that stupid scale doesn't budge tomorrow, I'm gonna be having a Come to Jesus Meeting with Dr. Todd.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Scale Addiction
Well I'm back from the trip to Oregon. It was wet.
The Travel Scale took on the personality of a friend who isn't really your friend at all. First of all, I followed program religiously and it said I gained two pounds. Then I would get on and off of it and it changed its mind about me every time. Stupid Travel Scale.
Travelling on this restricted diet is really really hard. I slipped with wine (but it was Oregon! It was Willamette Valley! It was wine!) but that's pretty much it. When I got home, the Good Scale gave me a little weight loss as my prize.
I am not sure about this HCG stuff. I'm not sure if what I have is a bunch of mumbo jumbo or not. But I am sure of one thing. I have done a couple of hard things in my life (graduate school, step parenting, anxiety) and I decided that I am not going to be victim to this fat. Fuck that. I feel like it holds me hostage or something. And that's pretty weird because unless I am completely wrong, this is under my control.
Well, perhaps not entirely in my control. I am aware that Big Agriculture is just like Big Pharma and Big Banking and Big Tobacco. They do not act in my or your best interest. Indeed, I know as well as anyone that salt and sugar and fat tell the brain to go in to that delicious orgasmic state that you get when you eat a really fabulous donut. I know that fast food joints are interested in you coming back to their restaurant and not really interested in you being healthy. California apparently has a new law that they have to put the Actual Calorie Count next to every single fast food item. There is a mexican pseudo fast food place in my state that is based in California. Before I started this diet, I went into that restaurant and I looked at the new labels that listed the calories of the things that I thought were healthy. I learned that every single plate was 1000 calories or more. The skinniest thing, the "Healthmex Burrito" was 500 calories. Fish tacos, the salads, they all were 1000 calorie plates.
Armed with this, I have started reading labels. How come everything has "high fructose corn syrup" in it? Because the corn industry is king in this country I guess. I'm not eating that crap anymore. No one can make me.
But dammit. Those cognitive habits have been laid down early and will take many many runs, including this one, to re-wire. (You'd think I'd know this).
In any event, my brain that never seems to stop has become fixated on the scale as evidence I am "doing this right." My sister who reads this blog Curious Sister (CS) reminded me that if you eat something salty or don't go to the bathroom, um, all the way - it's a pound. And that I need to chill out.
Still, the "good" (read: Non Travel Scale) scale knows I hop on it time and time again. Perhaps they need to make a scale that says "What are you doing back here again?" and "Getting on me over and over will not change the fact that you are fat." Except that even the Good Scale keeps giving me different readings when I step on it. Not as bad as the Bad Travel Scale, but still... and so I hop on and off. I hold my arms above my head, then hop off. Then hop on and put them to my sides. Then I put them in the form of a prayer, as if that will somehow make the scale magically say "Congratulations! You can throw away those size 18 pants and looky! Here are some sexy size 8's!"
Perhaps I am an impatient person. But maybe that's unfair too. I did stick with things like this marriage, parenthood, grad school, my practice, most of my friends, and so forth. Perhaps I need to just watch this process unfold.
The scale btw read 206.2 this morning. I'll take it.
The Travel Scale took on the personality of a friend who isn't really your friend at all. First of all, I followed program religiously and it said I gained two pounds. Then I would get on and off of it and it changed its mind about me every time. Stupid Travel Scale.
Travelling on this restricted diet is really really hard. I slipped with wine (but it was Oregon! It was Willamette Valley! It was wine!) but that's pretty much it. When I got home, the Good Scale gave me a little weight loss as my prize.
I am not sure about this HCG stuff. I'm not sure if what I have is a bunch of mumbo jumbo or not. But I am sure of one thing. I have done a couple of hard things in my life (graduate school, step parenting, anxiety) and I decided that I am not going to be victim to this fat. Fuck that. I feel like it holds me hostage or something. And that's pretty weird because unless I am completely wrong, this is under my control.
Well, perhaps not entirely in my control. I am aware that Big Agriculture is just like Big Pharma and Big Banking and Big Tobacco. They do not act in my or your best interest. Indeed, I know as well as anyone that salt and sugar and fat tell the brain to go in to that delicious orgasmic state that you get when you eat a really fabulous donut. I know that fast food joints are interested in you coming back to their restaurant and not really interested in you being healthy. California apparently has a new law that they have to put the Actual Calorie Count next to every single fast food item. There is a mexican pseudo fast food place in my state that is based in California. Before I started this diet, I went into that restaurant and I looked at the new labels that listed the calories of the things that I thought were healthy. I learned that every single plate was 1000 calories or more. The skinniest thing, the "Healthmex Burrito" was 500 calories. Fish tacos, the salads, they all were 1000 calorie plates.
Armed with this, I have started reading labels. How come everything has "high fructose corn syrup" in it? Because the corn industry is king in this country I guess. I'm not eating that crap anymore. No one can make me.
But dammit. Those cognitive habits have been laid down early and will take many many runs, including this one, to re-wire. (You'd think I'd know this).
In any event, my brain that never seems to stop has become fixated on the scale as evidence I am "doing this right." My sister who reads this blog Curious Sister (CS) reminded me that if you eat something salty or don't go to the bathroom, um, all the way - it's a pound. And that I need to chill out.
Still, the "good" (read: Non Travel Scale) scale knows I hop on it time and time again. Perhaps they need to make a scale that says "What are you doing back here again?" and "Getting on me over and over will not change the fact that you are fat." Except that even the Good Scale keeps giving me different readings when I step on it. Not as bad as the Bad Travel Scale, but still... and so I hop on and off. I hold my arms above my head, then hop off. Then hop on and put them to my sides. Then I put them in the form of a prayer, as if that will somehow make the scale magically say "Congratulations! You can throw away those size 18 pants and looky! Here are some sexy size 8's!"
Perhaps I am an impatient person. But maybe that's unfair too. I did stick with things like this marriage, parenthood, grad school, my practice, most of my friends, and so forth. Perhaps I need to just watch this process unfold.
The scale btw read 206.2 this morning. I'll take it.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A Post from the Road
OK so I am writing this from the touchpad on my cell phone. Travelling for work and am in Oregon in a mid priced hotel. I managed to stay pretty close to program including not being able to finish my overpriced six ounce steak from the ever disappointing Outback Steakhouse. The waitress was in full on crack pusher mode what with her suggestions of cake and chocolate shake desserty things. BA (Beloved Assistant ) told her to get back to the high calorie hell from whence she came. I felt disgustingly full. And all I ate was salad w no dressing and broccoli and four oz of steak and one heavenly bite.of bread. I had literally prayed for help going in there because I was ravenous and god must have delivered because im still full. Go figure. Being on the road is hard because I can't stick to my routine. Thank goodness for BA. Now to watch cheesy tv and prep for tomorrow! XOXO TO ALL.OF YOU!!
@
@
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Weepy, Sneezy, Hungry and all of the other Dwarves
Had a dream about Dad last night. He looked so sad, but he sat with me and held my hand. It was one of those weird dreams where I woke up and believed that he had not died - just for a moment anyway. Wept to BA (Beloved Assistant) and FS (Fabulous Student) in my office this morning. Made it through an interview, then wept to Dr. T some more. Worried that homeopathic hcg is all a bunch of bogus shit, worried that this won't work for me, worried worried worried and sad. This is new for me because the past few months, I have worked well on being anxious and the sadness had passed.
So why all of these intense emotions now? Does losing weight make you feel emotional? Do we store more things in fat cells besides hormones and those nebulous things others call "toxins?" Perhaps all of the emotional intensity of the years 2008 to January 2010 are also leaking out into my blood stream, crossing the blood/brain barrier and wham - into my psychological state?
Weight was 208.4 this morning. My Western Medicine Mind rejects homeopathy and even the idea that feelings get stored somehow in the body. I want a chart and a graph and a test dammit.
I suppose that the weight loss is the test of this whole thing. And the blog is the medical chart of my psychological state. That will have to be comfort enough.
So why all of these intense emotions now? Does losing weight make you feel emotional? Do we store more things in fat cells besides hormones and those nebulous things others call "toxins?" Perhaps all of the emotional intensity of the years 2008 to January 2010 are also leaking out into my blood stream, crossing the blood/brain barrier and wham - into my psychological state?
Weight was 208.4 this morning. My Western Medicine Mind rejects homeopathy and even the idea that feelings get stored somehow in the body. I want a chart and a graph and a test dammit.
I suppose that the weight loss is the test of this whole thing. And the blog is the medical chart of my psychological state. That will have to be comfort enough.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Photograph
A couple of days ago, when I started this weight loss journey, I did something I have never done before. I took what I hope will be a "before" photograph. Wearing the B.W.G.Panties, of course. Wow, it was really a humiliating yet refreshing experience. I just never look at myself - what with getting up, attempting to apply makeup, driving Darling Husband and the Boy to their schools (DH has returned to college, The Boy is in Elementary school) and making it to work by nine.
I look in the face mirror of course, and then the glance in the Big Mirror in the Hall for the "is there toilet paper sticking to my shoe? Have I tucked my skirt into my panty hose?" but never a full on picture like that.
I can't look at it much. But I did it.
The other thing that's different is that I went to Dr. T, whom I see every single day in our small building. In times past when I was on a weight loss kick, I avoided letting anyone really know about it, especially at work, because then when I invariably fell off the diet, they would "know" and then I'd feel pressured.
So, two things different than times in the past: Pictures and Dr. T.
Plus, the substance abuse literature says that the more times a person attempts rehabilitation, the better their outcomes for success in the long term. If you think about that literature in terms of other habit change, it might very well apply to weight loss and eating habits. I suppose then that practice makes perfect. Or at least thinner.
But I still can't really bring myself to look at those pictures.
Oh and by the way - this mornings weight was 210.6. Go figure. That's about five pounds. Of course it's all water as I was the High Priestess of the Bathroom all day and evening yesterday. But hey, I'll take it.
I look in the face mirror of course, and then the glance in the Big Mirror in the Hall for the "is there toilet paper sticking to my shoe? Have I tucked my skirt into my panty hose?" but never a full on picture like that.
I can't look at it much. But I did it.
The other thing that's different is that I went to Dr. T, whom I see every single day in our small building. In times past when I was on a weight loss kick, I avoided letting anyone really know about it, especially at work, because then when I invariably fell off the diet, they would "know" and then I'd feel pressured.
So, two things different than times in the past: Pictures and Dr. T.
Plus, the substance abuse literature says that the more times a person attempts rehabilitation, the better their outcomes for success in the long term. If you think about that literature in terms of other habit change, it might very well apply to weight loss and eating habits. I suppose then that practice makes perfect. Or at least thinner.
But I still can't really bring myself to look at those pictures.
Oh and by the way - this mornings weight was 210.6. Go figure. That's about five pounds. Of course it's all water as I was the High Priestess of the Bathroom all day and evening yesterday. But hey, I'll take it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)