It's a weird quiet period for me. I am truly holding steady with the 25 to 27 pounds I lost in that initial six weeks. It still is not hard at all. I keep thinking "Let's DIET HARD" but then I think "Well hell. This crazy plan worked for me - I need to stick to the plan, even if I'd rather just go nuts and diet like mad." In the end, perhaps learning to stay stable is as important as learning to take it off. I mean to say that I have to stop treating eating like a summer science project. This is a life long change for the better. So perhaps in the grand scheme of things, having to maintain a weight for six weeks not only "resets the metabolism" (allegedly, this truly may be a total bunch of bullshit) but it reminds me that this is how life is and will be forever.
And it's not hard.
I have been reading my favorite blog by Allan. This guy really gets it. He notes that Fat is like CANCER. I wholly concur in that a) fat is shown to increase cancer risk and b)fat, like cancer, will kill you. Period. I believe that this is a battle for health in the same way that a person with cancer battles for his or her life. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
And this is the program I've selected, so I'm on the thing, and it's working. I have maintained my loss. I am not hungry. I don't eat like a stupid idiot. I don't eat bad shit. I do drink a glass of wine, I will admit. I have also eaten a portion of bread per day (like a piece of whole wheat bread). No candy. No soda. No fucking fast food.
It is not hard.
I am intensely curious about why it WAS hard before? Is it just being unconscious for so long and then waking up? Is it something about finally growing up?
I don't know. But you can bet I'm damn grateful.
Preacher and his Sexy Wife (it just continues to kill me that I, the least religious person I know, have formed a happy friendship with these wonderfully intelligent and erudite and hilarious two folks) have invited us over for dinner. He said "Bring Dessert."
Recently, the concept of bringing dessert would have totally freaked me out. Now I am thinking "Sexy Preacher Wife is gluten intolerant. I'll bet there's something I can get her at Whole Foods." I have no urge or intention to eat the dessert. I never was much of a dessert person anyway. I'd rather eat cheese, for the same calorie exchange.
The menu for this evening? Chicken, Veggies and likely Potatoes or some starch, and Said Dessert. I have no urge for potatoes. I have a craving for Veggies (I KNOW! I HATE VEGGIES!!!)
This is not hard.
It's miraculous, but not hard.
Thanks to all of you whom I read for inspiration, lecture, appropriate shaming, and courage. And thanks to the couple of blogs I stalk to remind me what Pure Insanity is. This is a journey we all take. It's not hard, not really. Not anymore.
One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever
I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Beautiful
I have these girlfriends who are stunningly beautiful. It's not their fault. They can't help it. And they are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. One is a ballet mistress who is just as lovely as a spring day. She's positive, happy, sensitive and really really smart. Oh and completely beautiful. And TINY of course. The other is a newscaster. My age (which is closer to 50 than 40) but you would never know it. Slender, perfect smile, and again, so so smart.
I just love spending time with both of them. And here's the thing - you know how all the thin and pretty girls in movies are supposed to be the ones who make the fat chick feel bad? I NEVER feel bad around them. They are so positive and upbeat and kindly, that you just forget your fatness and your double chins and simply CONNECT. And they have their own fears and hopes and worries. Including romantic ones. Sometimes I want to shake them and say, ARE YOU KIDDING? You are such a catch! How can you not see it? But I know what it's like to be lacking in hope or confidence in many areas and so I (I think wisely) shut my mouth.
Today I realized that my physically beautiful friends are that way both by luck but also by CHOICE. They take care of themselves with great responsibility. Today, I had lunch with my News Friend who ordered a salad and avoided most of the roll that came with it. She's not on a "diet" at all. She just eats that way. My other friend mentioned that when she had a bunch of carbs because of random events (like family gathering meals) she felt gross. She's CERTAINLY not on a diet. These women are not eating disordered. They do not focus on food or weight or appearance. Instead, they are respectful of their bodies and treat themselves well.
And the result? Beautiful. Inside and Out.
OK all, have a weekend in which you, too, treat yourself like the beautiful, valuable person we all know you are.
xoxo GP
I just love spending time with both of them. And here's the thing - you know how all the thin and pretty girls in movies are supposed to be the ones who make the fat chick feel bad? I NEVER feel bad around them. They are so positive and upbeat and kindly, that you just forget your fatness and your double chins and simply CONNECT. And they have their own fears and hopes and worries. Including romantic ones. Sometimes I want to shake them and say, ARE YOU KIDDING? You are such a catch! How can you not see it? But I know what it's like to be lacking in hope or confidence in many areas and so I (I think wisely) shut my mouth.
Today I realized that my physically beautiful friends are that way both by luck but also by CHOICE. They take care of themselves with great responsibility. Today, I had lunch with my News Friend who ordered a salad and avoided most of the roll that came with it. She's not on a "diet" at all. She just eats that way. My other friend mentioned that when she had a bunch of carbs because of random events (like family gathering meals) she felt gross. She's CERTAINLY not on a diet. These women are not eating disordered. They do not focus on food or weight or appearance. Instead, they are respectful of their bodies and treat themselves well.
And the result? Beautiful. Inside and Out.
OK all, have a weekend in which you, too, treat yourself like the beautiful, valuable person we all know you are.
xoxo GP
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The New Normal
Following program and holding steady, just as Dr. T requested. It's weird to be continuing on past the two month mark in weight loss, because I have always been a Good Time Charlie when it comes to lifestyle/eating issues - which is why I'm a hog-a-mite. When I walk away, it looks like two pigs fighting in a sack. But I digress.
So, I am dutifully eating my low carb, high protein food. And it's NOT a big deal at all. I slowly add in carbs - not too many - and see what the scale says. If I add in too many, the scale tells me to knock it off and I stop. I haven't had soda pop forever. I have learned to tolerate salad. It's weird, because it's not that weird at all. Sortof like learning to shop at Whole Foods and not feel like an impostor.
It's the New Normal. And I think I'm learning to like it quite a bit.
At least today, anyway.
So, I am dutifully eating my low carb, high protein food. And it's NOT a big deal at all. I slowly add in carbs - not too many - and see what the scale says. If I add in too many, the scale tells me to knock it off and I stop. I haven't had soda pop forever. I have learned to tolerate salad. It's weird, because it's not that weird at all. Sortof like learning to shop at Whole Foods and not feel like an impostor.
It's the New Normal. And I think I'm learning to like it quite a bit.
At least today, anyway.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
TWENTY FIVE POUNDS
Finally. FINALLY. I have broken OUT of the 190s. You should have seen me do the scale dance last night when I got up to pee at 2 AM and then decided to weigh, because hey, why not just see if the scale has changed its mind since midnight (it hadn't). But this morning, 189.4! And there was much rejoicing!
I think I'm losing a bit more than I did in the last dreadful days of the limited calorie diet, and I'm a hell of a lot happier. I started eating breakfast again, which is just a wonderful thing if you had no breakfast for forty days. FORTY DAYS of low calories. I was wandering in the desert for FORTY DAYS and then Moses appeared and led me to the land of 1000 calories and I am much happier.
Dr. T said that I have a couple of choices: 1) I can maintain my weight for six weeks and then go back on HCG and so forth again or 2) I can just keep eating this normal diet, sans many carbs for six weeks and lose slowly. The Fat Jury is still out on that. I will see if, by eating healthily but not carbily, the weight stabilizes or not. If it does, then Hello HCG at the end of March. If I keep walking nicely down the Lard Hill then perhaps I'll just keep on walking until I plateau and, if desperate, consider another forty days in the food desert.
Either way, I am just glad that the first twenty five are gone. I would like to lose at least forty more, but when I think about it, it seems overwhelming. SO, I think about getting to a thirty pound loss. Hell, it's only 4 and a half pounds from here, right? I can do that. And at that point, then I'll only need thirty five more to get to a weight of 150 or so. Does anyone else play weird math games in their head like this?
As it is, here is what I ate yesterday:
eggs for breakfast
steak (small) plus salad for lunch
scallops and spinach for dinner
a breadstick (grissini - the HCG little wimpy kind) plus a teaspoon of almond butter for snack.
Tons of water, iced tea and even coffee.
Today, I had a big breakfast of an organic chicken sausage (150 cal) and one egg (70 cal) plus half a grapefruit (who know what calories. Grapefruit was a disappointment in taste btw) and again, my grissini plus teaspoon of almond butter.
At the suggestion of a friend on here, I banned peanut butter to the back shelf (as it is a legume, not a nut) and bought almond butter (which is just lovely - it's like inviting an elegant cousin who is an art dealer in new york to come for a visit, after you just showed your cousin from oklahoma who just got out of jail the door) AND cashew butter (which is like the cousin who has lived in the middle east for the past ten years who comes to visit you and kisses you on BOTH cheeks and it's not weird or affected at all).
NOTE: I have no cousins who are art dealers in new york or have lived in the middle east. I think everyone has a cousin who has been in jail, haven't they?
Still, I will have to go light on lunch as I am headed to a party tonight and will have to drink a vat of water in order to steel myself in the face of what will be excellent booze and even better snackies. But hey, it's just food. It's not like I'll never have access to a cheesy canapé again, right? Sometimes I forget that just because I am on a major diet for what will clearly be a (life)long period of time, it's not like they will say "HEY! She's finally gone! Let's lose the recipes for everything that has ever been even potentially delicious!" Jeez.
OK, off to think about cleaning the house (NOT), making a scarf (LIKELY) and other ways to avoid writing a report.
Keep that water flowing IN and OUT!
I think I'm losing a bit more than I did in the last dreadful days of the limited calorie diet, and I'm a hell of a lot happier. I started eating breakfast again, which is just a wonderful thing if you had no breakfast for forty days. FORTY DAYS of low calories. I was wandering in the desert for FORTY DAYS and then Moses appeared and led me to the land of 1000 calories and I am much happier.
Dr. T said that I have a couple of choices: 1) I can maintain my weight for six weeks and then go back on HCG and so forth again or 2) I can just keep eating this normal diet, sans many carbs for six weeks and lose slowly. The Fat Jury is still out on that. I will see if, by eating healthily but not carbily, the weight stabilizes or not. If it does, then Hello HCG at the end of March. If I keep walking nicely down the Lard Hill then perhaps I'll just keep on walking until I plateau and, if desperate, consider another forty days in the food desert.
Either way, I am just glad that the first twenty five are gone. I would like to lose at least forty more, but when I think about it, it seems overwhelming. SO, I think about getting to a thirty pound loss. Hell, it's only 4 and a half pounds from here, right? I can do that. And at that point, then I'll only need thirty five more to get to a weight of 150 or so. Does anyone else play weird math games in their head like this?
As it is, here is what I ate yesterday:
eggs for breakfast
steak (small) plus salad for lunch
scallops and spinach for dinner
a breadstick (grissini - the HCG little wimpy kind) plus a teaspoon of almond butter for snack.
Tons of water, iced tea and even coffee.
Today, I had a big breakfast of an organic chicken sausage (150 cal) and one egg (70 cal) plus half a grapefruit (who know what calories. Grapefruit was a disappointment in taste btw) and again, my grissini plus teaspoon of almond butter.
At the suggestion of a friend on here, I banned peanut butter to the back shelf (as it is a legume, not a nut) and bought almond butter (which is just lovely - it's like inviting an elegant cousin who is an art dealer in new york to come for a visit, after you just showed your cousin from oklahoma who just got out of jail the door) AND cashew butter (which is like the cousin who has lived in the middle east for the past ten years who comes to visit you and kisses you on BOTH cheeks and it's not weird or affected at all).
NOTE: I have no cousins who are art dealers in new york or have lived in the middle east. I think everyone has a cousin who has been in jail, haven't they?
Still, I will have to go light on lunch as I am headed to a party tonight and will have to drink a vat of water in order to steel myself in the face of what will be excellent booze and even better snackies. But hey, it's just food. It's not like I'll never have access to a cheesy canapé again, right? Sometimes I forget that just because I am on a major diet for what will clearly be a (life)long period of time, it's not like they will say "HEY! She's finally gone! Let's lose the recipes for everything that has ever been even potentially delicious!" Jeez.
OK, off to think about cleaning the house (NOT), making a scarf (LIKELY) and other ways to avoid writing a report.
Keep that water flowing IN and OUT!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Feels Miraculous Today
OK, so it's day 2 on the part of the diet where you eat more food but still stay away from carbs. Weirdly, my weight loss picked up today, e.g. lost a pound from where I was yesterday. WTF?
I ate breakfast (two eggs) and lunch (steak and salad, with blue cheese, yum) and dinner (mexican shrimp and salad) and ate about 5 tortilla chips w/salsa. And had a sip of DH's margarita. And lost a pound.
I am not questioning - I am just going with it. I am not hungry. I am not dizzy and I do not feel deprived. Indeed, I'm sitting here trying to eat an apple or two because I know I need the fruit and fiber after yesterday's Protein Heaven.
Weird Weird Weird.
Have been stalking others' blogs and getting proper inspiration. Some folks have lost almost 200 pounds. Some have lost a ton of weight have have kept it off for years and years. One gal talked about slowly changing her cognitive habits about food so that healthy choices for eating and exercise became second nature. She also talked about food boundaries as food SAFETY not food SHACKLES. I love that so much.
I also read Allen's blog, "Almost Gastric ByPass" which I recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. He writes for himself, not for anyone else and he is courageously honest with himself and with others who come his way. He is a good reminder that this weight loss thing is a daily habit, a constant hike, not a quick sprint. For me, who lost weight quickly in the beginning, reading him is like a psychological tonic.
OK, off to run errands as my morning client (who was booked for three hours) cancelled!
xxoox GP
I ate breakfast (two eggs) and lunch (steak and salad, with blue cheese, yum) and dinner (mexican shrimp and salad) and ate about 5 tortilla chips w/salsa. And had a sip of DH's margarita. And lost a pound.
I am not questioning - I am just going with it. I am not hungry. I am not dizzy and I do not feel deprived. Indeed, I'm sitting here trying to eat an apple or two because I know I need the fruit and fiber after yesterday's Protein Heaven.
Weird Weird Weird.
Have been stalking others' blogs and getting proper inspiration. Some folks have lost almost 200 pounds. Some have lost a ton of weight have have kept it off for years and years. One gal talked about slowly changing her cognitive habits about food so that healthy choices for eating and exercise became second nature. She also talked about food boundaries as food SAFETY not food SHACKLES. I love that so much.
I also read Allen's blog, "Almost Gastric ByPass" which I recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. He writes for himself, not for anyone else and he is courageously honest with himself and with others who come his way. He is a good reminder that this weight loss thing is a daily habit, a constant hike, not a quick sprint. For me, who lost weight quickly in the beginning, reading him is like a psychological tonic.
OK, off to run errands as my morning client (who was booked for three hours) cancelled!
xxoox GP
Monday, February 21, 2011
Ready for the Next Phase
Well, the crazy shots have ended. I have eaten about 500 calories a day for around 40 days. I had some days where I blew this off somewhat. My weight loss was initially really really fast, and then it slowed to a crawl. I decided that indeed, it was time to move to the next phase of the HCG diet.
Now, I am supposed to continue to eat the No Carb Diet for three more weeks, but with much more protein. After three weeks, I can begin to slowly introduce carbs (I already recognize this will be a challenge). The most frustrating thing is that my weight is SUPPOSED TO STAY THE SAME for the next six weeks because I am "resetting my metabolism." This bums me out because I really don't want my metabolism set at 190 pounds. However, this is the program so I am going to stay true to it. Another blogger that I really like to follow, Allen, says something along the lines of it not mattering exactly which program you are on, but staying with it, day after day, week after week, and in the end, year after year - that's what matters.
I am still bummed that I'm not supposed to lose weight - nor gain it more than a two pound variation - for six weeks. Oh well. There are worse things.
On better news, I am sitting here in a pair of size 12 jeans, and again muffin toppage is minimal compared to even last week.
So, I have to see patients and then find some time to go back to Whole Foods, all re-energized, so that I can attack this phase with the same gusto that I have had the past six weeks.
I ate some cold chicken breast that was grilled from yesterday for my breakfast/lunch. It's a holiday but I'm still seeing clients because I forgot it was - but I didn't have them on the schedule this morning, so DH and I laid in bed and watched old movies with Bette Davis in them. Lovely. I also had some peanut butter and my minimal grissini stick to eat. Sometimes, remembering to eat gets in the way. My downfall has always been planning. Sigh.
Still, I can continue to chug water, read blogs, marvel at the fact I can zip up the size 12's from Ann Taylor loft (I'm sure it's because these jeans run large though) and look out to see snow on the ground, and sun in the sky. That's not too bad, now is it?
Now, I am supposed to continue to eat the No Carb Diet for three more weeks, but with much more protein. After three weeks, I can begin to slowly introduce carbs (I already recognize this will be a challenge). The most frustrating thing is that my weight is SUPPOSED TO STAY THE SAME for the next six weeks because I am "resetting my metabolism." This bums me out because I really don't want my metabolism set at 190 pounds. However, this is the program so I am going to stay true to it. Another blogger that I really like to follow, Allen, says something along the lines of it not mattering exactly which program you are on, but staying with it, day after day, week after week, and in the end, year after year - that's what matters.
I am still bummed that I'm not supposed to lose weight - nor gain it more than a two pound variation - for six weeks. Oh well. There are worse things.
On better news, I am sitting here in a pair of size 12 jeans, and again muffin toppage is minimal compared to even last week.
So, I have to see patients and then find some time to go back to Whole Foods, all re-energized, so that I can attack this phase with the same gusto that I have had the past six weeks.
I ate some cold chicken breast that was grilled from yesterday for my breakfast/lunch. It's a holiday but I'm still seeing clients because I forgot it was - but I didn't have them on the schedule this morning, so DH and I laid in bed and watched old movies with Bette Davis in them. Lovely. I also had some peanut butter and my minimal grissini stick to eat. Sometimes, remembering to eat gets in the way. My downfall has always been planning. Sigh.
Still, I can continue to chug water, read blogs, marvel at the fact I can zip up the size 12's from Ann Taylor loft (I'm sure it's because these jeans run large though) and look out to see snow on the ground, and sun in the sky. That's not too bad, now is it?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Afraid to Eat?
I know, I know. Me? Afraid to eat? The end of the injection portion of this diet is fast approaching. You are supposed to eat the 500 cal per day diet for two more days after the shots end, and then start increasing your calories, but still omit carbs. I have grown very accustomed to this low calorie thing. I have started to notice this weird fear that if I eat more calories, I will gain weight again.
I recognize that this is foolish.
I recognize that if I eat 800 to 1000 calories a day at 191 pounds, I am not going to gain weight.
But I still worry. Really worry.
This limited calorie thing has actually worked for me, like nothing else has. But it's unreal and has to be temporary. I liked being in a Food Monastery. Brother George Foreman and I have grown close during this six week period.
Well, there's nothing for it but to pull up these Big White Granny Panties like a Big Cowgirl and deal.
I still think it's kind of funny that I am loathe to eat more food - given that I used to (metaphorically speaking) roll around naked in a pile of pizza and hamburgers at the drop of a hat.
Weird weird weird.
I recognize that this is foolish.
I recognize that if I eat 800 to 1000 calories a day at 191 pounds, I am not going to gain weight.
But I still worry. Really worry.
This limited calorie thing has actually worked for me, like nothing else has. But it's unreal and has to be temporary. I liked being in a Food Monastery. Brother George Foreman and I have grown close during this six week period.
Well, there's nothing for it but to pull up these Big White Granny Panties like a Big Cowgirl and deal.
I still think it's kind of funny that I am loathe to eat more food - given that I used to (metaphorically speaking) roll around naked in a pile of pizza and hamburgers at the drop of a hat.
Weird weird weird.
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