Feels Miraculous Today

OK, so it's day 2 on the part of the diet where you eat more food but still stay away from carbs. Weirdly, my weight loss picked up today, e.g. lost a pound from where I was yesterday. WTF?

I ate breakfast (two eggs) and lunch (steak and salad, with blue cheese, yum) and dinner (mexican shrimp and salad) and ate about 5 tortilla chips w/salsa. And had a sip of DH's margarita. And lost a pound.

I am not questioning - I am just going with it. I am not hungry. I am not dizzy and I do not feel deprived. Indeed, I'm sitting here trying to eat an apple or two because I know I need the fruit and fiber after yesterday's Protein Heaven.

Weird Weird Weird.

Have been stalking others' blogs and getting proper inspiration. Some folks have lost almost 200 pounds. Some have lost a ton of weight have have kept it off for years and years. One gal talked about slowly changing her cognitive habits about food so that healthy choices for eating and exercise became second nature. She also talked about food boundaries as food SAFETY not food SHACKLES. I love that so much.

I also read Allen's blog, "Almost Gastric ByPass" which I recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. He writes for himself, not for anyone else and he is courageously honest with himself and with others who come his way. He is a good reminder that this weight loss thing is a daily habit, a constant hike, not a quick sprint. For me, who lost weight quickly in the beginning, reading him is like a psychological tonic.

OK, off to run errands as my morning client (who was booked for three hours) cancelled!

xxoox GP

Ready for the Next Phase

Well, the crazy shots have ended. I have eaten about 500 calories a day for around 40 days. I had some days where I blew this off somewhat. My weight loss was initially really really fast, and then it slowed to a crawl. I decided that indeed, it was time to move to the next phase of the HCG diet.

Now, I am supposed to continue to eat the No Carb Diet for three more weeks, but with much more protein. After three weeks, I can begin to slowly introduce carbs (I already recognize this will be a challenge). The most frustrating thing is that my weight is SUPPOSED TO STAY THE SAME for the next six weeks because I am "resetting my metabolism." This bums me out because I really don't want my metabolism set at 190 pounds. However, this is the program so I am going to stay true to it. Another blogger that I really like to follow, Allen, says something along the lines of it not mattering exactly which program you are on, but staying with it, day after day, week after week, and in the end, year after year - that's what matters.

I am still bummed that I'm not supposed to lose weight - nor gain it more than a two pound variation - for six weeks. Oh well. There are worse things.

On better news, I am sitting here in a pair of size 12 jeans, and again muffin toppage is minimal compared to even last week.

So, I have to see patients and then find some time to go back to Whole Foods, all re-energized, so that I can attack this phase with the same gusto that I have had the past six weeks.

I ate some cold chicken breast that was grilled from yesterday for my breakfast/lunch. It's a holiday but I'm still seeing clients because I forgot it was - but I didn't have them on the schedule this morning, so DH and I laid in bed and watched old movies with Bette Davis in them. Lovely. I also had some peanut butter and my minimal grissini stick to eat. Sometimes, remembering to eat gets in the way. My downfall has always been planning. Sigh.

Still, I can continue to chug water, read blogs, marvel at the fact I can zip up the size 12's from Ann Taylor loft (I'm sure it's because these jeans run large though) and look out to see snow on the ground, and sun in the sky. That's not too bad, now is it?

Afraid to Eat?

I know, I know. Me? Afraid to eat? The end of the injection portion of this diet is fast approaching. You are supposed to eat the 500 cal per day diet for two more days after the shots end, and then start increasing your calories, but still omit carbs. I have grown very accustomed to this low calorie thing. I have started to notice this weird fear that if I eat more calories, I will gain weight again.

I recognize that this is foolish.

I recognize that if I eat 800 to 1000 calories a day at 191 pounds, I am not going to gain weight.

But I still worry. Really worry.

This limited calorie thing has actually worked for me, like nothing else has. But it's unreal and has to be temporary. I liked being in a Food Monastery. Brother George Foreman and I have grown close during this six week period.

Well, there's nothing for it but to pull up these Big White Granny Panties like a Big Cowgirl and deal.

I still think it's kind of funny that I am loathe to eat more food - given that I used to (metaphorically speaking) roll around naked in a pile of pizza and hamburgers at the drop of a hat.

Weird weird weird.

Slippery Slope

Well, travelling this past weekend to sunny San Diego made it extremely difficult to stay on plan. I ate extremely well, but for SOMEONE NOT ON AN HCG DIET PLAN. The worst thing I did was eat a few chips and salsa. Had salads every meal. Ate eggs and fruit. No cheese to speak of. No sodas, no candy. Still put on 2.5 lbs from Friday morning until Tuesday morning.

I know what I need to do. And that is to not panic and say "oh fuck it, I'm sick of this" which of course, I am. If I am driving to San Francisco California and I make a wrong turn, and end up headed towards Beaver, Utah, this does not mean that I must inevitably drive all the way to Beaver. (Yes, Beaver, Utah is a real place). Instead, I make a U turn and get back on I 80 West, dammit.

So, the U turn is that there will be no more off program carbs for the next week. I have one more week or so of the shots left on this crazy diet. Then I'm on a more calorie plan that STILL limits carbs. That goes for between three to six weeks, depending what you read. During that period, I will be interested to see how my weight loss (or maintaining of the loss I have had) goes. What I do not want to do is lose hope or motivation.

So, back at the blog, confessing, confessing, confessing. I will be happy to leave this diet and move onto more normal healthy eating styles. But the days of mindless gnawing on stuff - those are long gone.

What does everyone else do when they make a slip? Both in your head and in your behavior?

Steady On

Well, so far, so good. Down 23 pounds. Every pound is a battle. Not as big a battle as those facing financial ruin, cancer, divorce, etc. But still, a wee battle in my head. I have been thinking about the sensation of hunger lately. Until now, I have always treated hunger like a sort of a crisis. I HAVE to eat! I MUST eat! Let's not think about the 80-90 pounds that I carry around that I could burn at any moment - oh no. Instead, let's decide that if I don't eat THIS MINUTE I will die. Now, I understand that starving and then eating a bunch of bad stuff isn't the way to go. But detaching the panic, stricken, anxious and/or petulance that has accompanied hunger - that's the trick for me I think.

Decreasing whining also helps tremendously.

Isn't it interesting that when you stop thinking about food so much, there is room for other stuff to do and think about?

Of course, my temptations are everywhere - the latest is Carl's Junior Chicken Strips. Real white meat, very very delicious, not made of "Chicken Paste" as the crap at McDonald's is... with mustard sauce. YUM. But guess what? A three portion serving (which is modest) is 380 Calories! Holy Hell. For those? Really? Screw that.

The end of this HCG portion of my diet is approaching in about 10 days or so. I am curious about where the weight will be at that point. I'd really like to be into the 180's - but who knows. What's important is that the next phase is higher calorie but still really healthy eating and still no carbs. After that, I can decide to go back on the VLCD again, complete with shots, or not. At least, for today, I am 191.8. At least, for today, I have not been drinking soda, or eating crap. At least, for today, I can feel my hunger and reassure myself that there will be nourishment versus just junk at the end of the day.

xoxo

The Honey Moon is Over

Well, it's been over thirty days on this diet.

The Honey Moon is OVER. Reality is sinking in. Even though this diet, with its weird rules and regulations, and bizarre starvation will be over, the rest of it won't be. I can't eat white bread anymore - unless I treat it like a piece of fucking cake, and if that's the case, why not just eat the cake? I can't eat thoughtlessly anymore. I have to be adult, and pay attention, and so on and so forth.

I hope that in a few months when I read this, I will laugh "ha!" I will say. "I was just whining." But now, I'm sortof in a pissed off mode. Like a bratty kid.

I'm hungry and need to eat again. I'm sick of steaming vegetables and I just got home and I'm too tired to cook. But fast food must be out, forever and ever. And so instead of bitching to my faithful pals here, I need to haul my fluffy butt into the kitchen and cook something healthy.

I was able to get back in to the 193 range after the "wild" weekend of having 1200 calories versus 500.

But before I put all of you right off with my wailing, I will say that even though this diet is boring as hell, and limited and minimal, it has been totally worth it. And I tell myself that the next phase will be less boring and certainly less minimal and that weight will still come off, albeit more slowly.

Because today I PUT ON MY SIZE 14 Ann Taylor Jeans. And I even zipped them up. And wore them in public. And had manageable Muffin Toppage that was not humiliating under my shirt. So that's a victory.

I want to wear these size 14 jeans every single day, just to remind myself that there are advantages to growing up and eating like an adult versus an indulgent teen aged girl.

OK. Speaking of adulthood, it's time to eat something. Something reasonable.

The Sin of the Super Bowl

Well, I learned something: Never host a Super Bowl Party when you are on a 500 cal per day diet. However, all things considering, my errant nibbles were not too horrible: the chicken wings (four of them) were so incredibly wonderful I did a little dance. But it was my sinful descent into the Carbohydrate Castle that was the most delicious. I had not had any carb to speak of for about a month. I had 10 tortilla chips and 8 rice crackers. And about two inch cubes of brie cheese. Can I just say how much I love brie cheese? I wanted to roll around in the brie cheese like a dog rolls in dirt. I also had a small piece of.... SALAMI. Yesssssss. The good news was that I did not drink beer and that I also did not say "OH FUCK IT, IT'S THE SUPERBOWL" and really go to town with chowing down. I gained about a pound and a half on the good scale this morning, but I was expecting it.

And there's no place to go but down.

Darling Husband moved the tread mill back into the house. This means that I must get on it, with no more dithering.

OK Trusty Fat Loss Pals: How did you handle Super Bowl Sunday?

xxo GP