Finally. FINALLY. I have broken OUT of the 190s. You should have seen me do the scale dance last night when I got up to pee at 2 AM and then decided to weigh, because hey, why not just see if the scale has changed its mind since midnight (it hadn't). But this morning, 189.4! And there was much rejoicing!
I think I'm losing a bit more than I did in the last dreadful days of the limited calorie diet, and I'm a hell of a lot happier. I started eating breakfast again, which is just a wonderful thing if you had no breakfast for forty days. FORTY DAYS of low calories. I was wandering in the desert for FORTY DAYS and then Moses appeared and led me to the land of 1000 calories and I am much happier.
Dr. T said that I have a couple of choices: 1) I can maintain my weight for six weeks and then go back on HCG and so forth again or 2) I can just keep eating this normal diet, sans many carbs for six weeks and lose slowly. The Fat Jury is still out on that. I will see if, by eating healthily but not carbily, the weight stabilizes or not. If it does, then Hello HCG at the end of March. If I keep walking nicely down the Lard Hill then perhaps I'll just keep on walking until I plateau and, if desperate, consider another forty days in the food desert.
Either way, I am just glad that the first twenty five are gone. I would like to lose at least forty more, but when I think about it, it seems overwhelming. SO, I think about getting to a thirty pound loss. Hell, it's only 4 and a half pounds from here, right? I can do that. And at that point, then I'll only need thirty five more to get to a weight of 150 or so. Does anyone else play weird math games in their head like this?
As it is, here is what I ate yesterday:
eggs for breakfast
steak (small) plus salad for lunch
scallops and spinach for dinner
a breadstick (grissini - the HCG little wimpy kind) plus a teaspoon of almond butter for snack.
Tons of water, iced tea and even coffee.
Today, I had a big breakfast of an organic chicken sausage (150 cal) and one egg (70 cal) plus half a grapefruit (who know what calories. Grapefruit was a disappointment in taste btw) and again, my grissini plus teaspoon of almond butter.
At the suggestion of a friend on here, I banned peanut butter to the back shelf (as it is a legume, not a nut) and bought almond butter (which is just lovely - it's like inviting an elegant cousin who is an art dealer in new york to come for a visit, after you just showed your cousin from oklahoma who just got out of jail the door) AND cashew butter (which is like the cousin who has lived in the middle east for the past ten years who comes to visit you and kisses you on BOTH cheeks and it's not weird or affected at all).
NOTE: I have no cousins who are art dealers in new york or have lived in the middle east. I think everyone has a cousin who has been in jail, haven't they?
Still, I will have to go light on lunch as I am headed to a party tonight and will have to drink a vat of water in order to steel myself in the face of what will be excellent booze and even better snackies. But hey, it's just food. It's not like I'll never have access to a cheesy canapé again, right? Sometimes I forget that just because I am on a major diet for what will clearly be a (life)long period of time, it's not like they will say "HEY! She's finally gone! Let's lose the recipes for everything that has ever been even potentially delicious!" Jeez.
OK, off to think about cleaning the house (NOT), making a scarf (LIKELY) and other ways to avoid writing a report.
Keep that water flowing IN and OUT!
One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever
I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Feels Miraculous Today
OK, so it's day 2 on the part of the diet where you eat more food but still stay away from carbs. Weirdly, my weight loss picked up today, e.g. lost a pound from where I was yesterday. WTF?
I ate breakfast (two eggs) and lunch (steak and salad, with blue cheese, yum) and dinner (mexican shrimp and salad) and ate about 5 tortilla chips w/salsa. And had a sip of DH's margarita. And lost a pound.
I am not questioning - I am just going with it. I am not hungry. I am not dizzy and I do not feel deprived. Indeed, I'm sitting here trying to eat an apple or two because I know I need the fruit and fiber after yesterday's Protein Heaven.
Weird Weird Weird.
Have been stalking others' blogs and getting proper inspiration. Some folks have lost almost 200 pounds. Some have lost a ton of weight have have kept it off for years and years. One gal talked about slowly changing her cognitive habits about food so that healthy choices for eating and exercise became second nature. She also talked about food boundaries as food SAFETY not food SHACKLES. I love that so much.
I also read Allen's blog, "Almost Gastric ByPass" which I recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. He writes for himself, not for anyone else and he is courageously honest with himself and with others who come his way. He is a good reminder that this weight loss thing is a daily habit, a constant hike, not a quick sprint. For me, who lost weight quickly in the beginning, reading him is like a psychological tonic.
OK, off to run errands as my morning client (who was booked for three hours) cancelled!
xxoox GP
I ate breakfast (two eggs) and lunch (steak and salad, with blue cheese, yum) and dinner (mexican shrimp and salad) and ate about 5 tortilla chips w/salsa. And had a sip of DH's margarita. And lost a pound.
I am not questioning - I am just going with it. I am not hungry. I am not dizzy and I do not feel deprived. Indeed, I'm sitting here trying to eat an apple or two because I know I need the fruit and fiber after yesterday's Protein Heaven.
Weird Weird Weird.
Have been stalking others' blogs and getting proper inspiration. Some folks have lost almost 200 pounds. Some have lost a ton of weight have have kept it off for years and years. One gal talked about slowly changing her cognitive habits about food so that healthy choices for eating and exercise became second nature. She also talked about food boundaries as food SAFETY not food SHACKLES. I love that so much.
I also read Allen's blog, "Almost Gastric ByPass" which I recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. He writes for himself, not for anyone else and he is courageously honest with himself and with others who come his way. He is a good reminder that this weight loss thing is a daily habit, a constant hike, not a quick sprint. For me, who lost weight quickly in the beginning, reading him is like a psychological tonic.
OK, off to run errands as my morning client (who was booked for three hours) cancelled!
xxoox GP
Monday, February 21, 2011
Ready for the Next Phase
Well, the crazy shots have ended. I have eaten about 500 calories a day for around 40 days. I had some days where I blew this off somewhat. My weight loss was initially really really fast, and then it slowed to a crawl. I decided that indeed, it was time to move to the next phase of the HCG diet.
Now, I am supposed to continue to eat the No Carb Diet for three more weeks, but with much more protein. After three weeks, I can begin to slowly introduce carbs (I already recognize this will be a challenge). The most frustrating thing is that my weight is SUPPOSED TO STAY THE SAME for the next six weeks because I am "resetting my metabolism." This bums me out because I really don't want my metabolism set at 190 pounds. However, this is the program so I am going to stay true to it. Another blogger that I really like to follow, Allen, says something along the lines of it not mattering exactly which program you are on, but staying with it, day after day, week after week, and in the end, year after year - that's what matters.
I am still bummed that I'm not supposed to lose weight - nor gain it more than a two pound variation - for six weeks. Oh well. There are worse things.
On better news, I am sitting here in a pair of size 12 jeans, and again muffin toppage is minimal compared to even last week.
So, I have to see patients and then find some time to go back to Whole Foods, all re-energized, so that I can attack this phase with the same gusto that I have had the past six weeks.
I ate some cold chicken breast that was grilled from yesterday for my breakfast/lunch. It's a holiday but I'm still seeing clients because I forgot it was - but I didn't have them on the schedule this morning, so DH and I laid in bed and watched old movies with Bette Davis in them. Lovely. I also had some peanut butter and my minimal grissini stick to eat. Sometimes, remembering to eat gets in the way. My downfall has always been planning. Sigh.
Still, I can continue to chug water, read blogs, marvel at the fact I can zip up the size 12's from Ann Taylor loft (I'm sure it's because these jeans run large though) and look out to see snow on the ground, and sun in the sky. That's not too bad, now is it?
Now, I am supposed to continue to eat the No Carb Diet for three more weeks, but with much more protein. After three weeks, I can begin to slowly introduce carbs (I already recognize this will be a challenge). The most frustrating thing is that my weight is SUPPOSED TO STAY THE SAME for the next six weeks because I am "resetting my metabolism." This bums me out because I really don't want my metabolism set at 190 pounds. However, this is the program so I am going to stay true to it. Another blogger that I really like to follow, Allen, says something along the lines of it not mattering exactly which program you are on, but staying with it, day after day, week after week, and in the end, year after year - that's what matters.
I am still bummed that I'm not supposed to lose weight - nor gain it more than a two pound variation - for six weeks. Oh well. There are worse things.
On better news, I am sitting here in a pair of size 12 jeans, and again muffin toppage is minimal compared to even last week.
So, I have to see patients and then find some time to go back to Whole Foods, all re-energized, so that I can attack this phase with the same gusto that I have had the past six weeks.
I ate some cold chicken breast that was grilled from yesterday for my breakfast/lunch. It's a holiday but I'm still seeing clients because I forgot it was - but I didn't have them on the schedule this morning, so DH and I laid in bed and watched old movies with Bette Davis in them. Lovely. I also had some peanut butter and my minimal grissini stick to eat. Sometimes, remembering to eat gets in the way. My downfall has always been planning. Sigh.
Still, I can continue to chug water, read blogs, marvel at the fact I can zip up the size 12's from Ann Taylor loft (I'm sure it's because these jeans run large though) and look out to see snow on the ground, and sun in the sky. That's not too bad, now is it?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Afraid to Eat?
I know, I know. Me? Afraid to eat? The end of the injection portion of this diet is fast approaching. You are supposed to eat the 500 cal per day diet for two more days after the shots end, and then start increasing your calories, but still omit carbs. I have grown very accustomed to this low calorie thing. I have started to notice this weird fear that if I eat more calories, I will gain weight again.
I recognize that this is foolish.
I recognize that if I eat 800 to 1000 calories a day at 191 pounds, I am not going to gain weight.
But I still worry. Really worry.
This limited calorie thing has actually worked for me, like nothing else has. But it's unreal and has to be temporary. I liked being in a Food Monastery. Brother George Foreman and I have grown close during this six week period.
Well, there's nothing for it but to pull up these Big White Granny Panties like a Big Cowgirl and deal.
I still think it's kind of funny that I am loathe to eat more food - given that I used to (metaphorically speaking) roll around naked in a pile of pizza and hamburgers at the drop of a hat.
Weird weird weird.
I recognize that this is foolish.
I recognize that if I eat 800 to 1000 calories a day at 191 pounds, I am not going to gain weight.
But I still worry. Really worry.
This limited calorie thing has actually worked for me, like nothing else has. But it's unreal and has to be temporary. I liked being in a Food Monastery. Brother George Foreman and I have grown close during this six week period.
Well, there's nothing for it but to pull up these Big White Granny Panties like a Big Cowgirl and deal.
I still think it's kind of funny that I am loathe to eat more food - given that I used to (metaphorically speaking) roll around naked in a pile of pizza and hamburgers at the drop of a hat.
Weird weird weird.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Slippery Slope
Well, travelling this past weekend to sunny San Diego made it extremely difficult to stay on plan. I ate extremely well, but for SOMEONE NOT ON AN HCG DIET PLAN. The worst thing I did was eat a few chips and salsa. Had salads every meal. Ate eggs and fruit. No cheese to speak of. No sodas, no candy. Still put on 2.5 lbs from Friday morning until Tuesday morning.
I know what I need to do. And that is to not panic and say "oh fuck it, I'm sick of this" which of course, I am. If I am driving to San Francisco California and I make a wrong turn, and end up headed towards Beaver, Utah, this does not mean that I must inevitably drive all the way to Beaver. (Yes, Beaver, Utah is a real place). Instead, I make a U turn and get back on I 80 West, dammit.
So, the U turn is that there will be no more off program carbs for the next week. I have one more week or so of the shots left on this crazy diet. Then I'm on a more calorie plan that STILL limits carbs. That goes for between three to six weeks, depending what you read. During that period, I will be interested to see how my weight loss (or maintaining of the loss I have had) goes. What I do not want to do is lose hope or motivation.
So, back at the blog, confessing, confessing, confessing. I will be happy to leave this diet and move onto more normal healthy eating styles. But the days of mindless gnawing on stuff - those are long gone.
What does everyone else do when they make a slip? Both in your head and in your behavior?
I know what I need to do. And that is to not panic and say "oh fuck it, I'm sick of this" which of course, I am. If I am driving to San Francisco California and I make a wrong turn, and end up headed towards Beaver, Utah, this does not mean that I must inevitably drive all the way to Beaver. (Yes, Beaver, Utah is a real place). Instead, I make a U turn and get back on I 80 West, dammit.
So, the U turn is that there will be no more off program carbs for the next week. I have one more week or so of the shots left on this crazy diet. Then I'm on a more calorie plan that STILL limits carbs. That goes for between three to six weeks, depending what you read. During that period, I will be interested to see how my weight loss (or maintaining of the loss I have had) goes. What I do not want to do is lose hope or motivation.
So, back at the blog, confessing, confessing, confessing. I will be happy to leave this diet and move onto more normal healthy eating styles. But the days of mindless gnawing on stuff - those are long gone.
What does everyone else do when they make a slip? Both in your head and in your behavior?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Steady On
Well, so far, so good. Down 23 pounds. Every pound is a battle. Not as big a battle as those facing financial ruin, cancer, divorce, etc. But still, a wee battle in my head. I have been thinking about the sensation of hunger lately. Until now, I have always treated hunger like a sort of a crisis. I HAVE to eat! I MUST eat! Let's not think about the 80-90 pounds that I carry around that I could burn at any moment - oh no. Instead, let's decide that if I don't eat THIS MINUTE I will die. Now, I understand that starving and then eating a bunch of bad stuff isn't the way to go. But detaching the panic, stricken, anxious and/or petulance that has accompanied hunger - that's the trick for me I think.
Decreasing whining also helps tremendously.
Isn't it interesting that when you stop thinking about food so much, there is room for other stuff to do and think about?
Of course, my temptations are everywhere - the latest is Carl's Junior Chicken Strips. Real white meat, very very delicious, not made of "Chicken Paste" as the crap at McDonald's is... with mustard sauce. YUM. But guess what? A three portion serving (which is modest) is 380 Calories! Holy Hell. For those? Really? Screw that.
The end of this HCG portion of my diet is approaching in about 10 days or so. I am curious about where the weight will be at that point. I'd really like to be into the 180's - but who knows. What's important is that the next phase is higher calorie but still really healthy eating and still no carbs. After that, I can decide to go back on the VLCD again, complete with shots, or not. At least, for today, I am 191.8. At least, for today, I have not been drinking soda, or eating crap. At least, for today, I can feel my hunger and reassure myself that there will be nourishment versus just junk at the end of the day.
xoxo
Decreasing whining also helps tremendously.
Isn't it interesting that when you stop thinking about food so much, there is room for other stuff to do and think about?
Of course, my temptations are everywhere - the latest is Carl's Junior Chicken Strips. Real white meat, very very delicious, not made of "Chicken Paste" as the crap at McDonald's is... with mustard sauce. YUM. But guess what? A three portion serving (which is modest) is 380 Calories! Holy Hell. For those? Really? Screw that.
The end of this HCG portion of my diet is approaching in about 10 days or so. I am curious about where the weight will be at that point. I'd really like to be into the 180's - but who knows. What's important is that the next phase is higher calorie but still really healthy eating and still no carbs. After that, I can decide to go back on the VLCD again, complete with shots, or not. At least, for today, I am 191.8. At least, for today, I have not been drinking soda, or eating crap. At least, for today, I can feel my hunger and reassure myself that there will be nourishment versus just junk at the end of the day.
xoxo
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Honey Moon is Over
Well, it's been over thirty days on this diet.
The Honey Moon is OVER. Reality is sinking in. Even though this diet, with its weird rules and regulations, and bizarre starvation will be over, the rest of it won't be. I can't eat white bread anymore - unless I treat it like a piece of fucking cake, and if that's the case, why not just eat the cake? I can't eat thoughtlessly anymore. I have to be adult, and pay attention, and so on and so forth.
I hope that in a few months when I read this, I will laugh "ha!" I will say. "I was just whining." But now, I'm sortof in a pissed off mode. Like a bratty kid.
I'm hungry and need to eat again. I'm sick of steaming vegetables and I just got home and I'm too tired to cook. But fast food must be out, forever and ever. And so instead of bitching to my faithful pals here, I need to haul my fluffy butt into the kitchen and cook something healthy.
I was able to get back in to the 193 range after the "wild" weekend of having 1200 calories versus 500.
But before I put all of you right off with my wailing, I will say that even though this diet is boring as hell, and limited and minimal, it has been totally worth it. And I tell myself that the next phase will be less boring and certainly less minimal and that weight will still come off, albeit more slowly.
Because today I PUT ON MY SIZE 14 Ann Taylor Jeans. And I even zipped them up. And wore them in public. And had manageable Muffin Toppage that was not humiliating under my shirt. So that's a victory.
I want to wear these size 14 jeans every single day, just to remind myself that there are advantages to growing up and eating like an adult versus an indulgent teen aged girl.
OK. Speaking of adulthood, it's time to eat something. Something reasonable.
The Honey Moon is OVER. Reality is sinking in. Even though this diet, with its weird rules and regulations, and bizarre starvation will be over, the rest of it won't be. I can't eat white bread anymore - unless I treat it like a piece of fucking cake, and if that's the case, why not just eat the cake? I can't eat thoughtlessly anymore. I have to be adult, and pay attention, and so on and so forth.
I hope that in a few months when I read this, I will laugh "ha!" I will say. "I was just whining." But now, I'm sortof in a pissed off mode. Like a bratty kid.
I'm hungry and need to eat again. I'm sick of steaming vegetables and I just got home and I'm too tired to cook. But fast food must be out, forever and ever. And so instead of bitching to my faithful pals here, I need to haul my fluffy butt into the kitchen and cook something healthy.
I was able to get back in to the 193 range after the "wild" weekend of having 1200 calories versus 500.
But before I put all of you right off with my wailing, I will say that even though this diet is boring as hell, and limited and minimal, it has been totally worth it. And I tell myself that the next phase will be less boring and certainly less minimal and that weight will still come off, albeit more slowly.
Because today I PUT ON MY SIZE 14 Ann Taylor Jeans. And I even zipped them up. And wore them in public. And had manageable Muffin Toppage that was not humiliating under my shirt. So that's a victory.
I want to wear these size 14 jeans every single day, just to remind myself that there are advantages to growing up and eating like an adult versus an indulgent teen aged girl.
OK. Speaking of adulthood, it's time to eat something. Something reasonable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)