One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever

I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Growing Up

Well, I've been at this 198.5ish weight for a couple of days now. HCG people will describe this as a plateau because the expectation on this Very Low Cal Diet (VCLD) is to lose about a pound a day. I remain skeptical about the clear limitations of different sorts of veggies (e.g. asparagus yes, mushrooms no, and "don't mix vegetables at the same meal") and of types of carbs (apple yes and pear no). Yet when I vary, even just a wee bit, on this diet, I see a gain or in this instance a plateau. My "varying" last night was that I added about six canned artichoke hearts to my salad yesterday and did not eat any fruit. Boom, up a half a pound.

Given my peri menopause status, there is no regular Time of the Month (TOM) for me. Estrogen patch and Progestin have seen to that. So I can't blame it on some natural fluctuation, I don't think.

Today, I vow to stick exactly to the program and not to waver one single bit. I will BEAT this fucking plateau. Period. I am more powerful than food, dammit.

I also woke up at three in the morning and could not get back to sleep. I drank water and turned on the TV to watch two episodes of the new series "Heavy." What a terrific show. Very realistic. Very poignant. Very Very inspiring. It helps to realize that chocolate cake really and truly does have to be a thing of the past. Not just for now, but forever. This doesn't mean that I can't ever eat a single bite of chocolate cake again, but honestly, it has 800 calories in it. How can I justify that in a life of healthy eating and good choices?

I wonder if there is a certain amount of grieving for the unconscious eating style days - where I literally split off the fact that I was poisoning myself in favor of the opiod receptor comfort of fat/salt/sugar. I think there might be. Honestly, the ability to make good eating choices seems to fall under the "Personal Maturity" label for me. Part of being a grownup is eating like a grownup, instead of an impulsive, petulant child. It's the same part that finally learned to pay bills on time, show up for work on time, get homework done, play nice, and all of that. Well I have to grow up sometime and be a real woman and not a girl. This is part of it.

It also allowed me to find new sources of pleasure that are not food related. Like this blog. Like playing with wool. Like singing in a choir. And going to art museums. And hugging my boys (big and small).

Weight loss and health cannot be a project, like you would consider a remodel of a house. It has to be embraced and internalized. Like the way Spring just sortof creeps up and before you know it, there's leaves on the tree where you swore there weren't any just a few weeks ago. Just like growing up.