One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever

I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Today I read Kelly's blog "Run Kelly Run." I was a blubbering emotional mess by the end of it. It was so incredibly helpful to read her thoughts about deciding to run and then running. Really really doing it. And she's not one of those perfectly skinny "OMG let's just run 100 miles for fun" sort of women with whom I (at least at this point) have nothing in common. So, it started me thinking: Perhaps I need to Move My Large Ass.

I should talk a little bit about my life/job/family here. I work full time, for myself, but as freedom giving as this sounds, it's not. Having your own business is expensive. There is No Net. If you don't keep moving at work, you will stop having business and then you will starve. Darling Husband is an artist and is going back to University to finish a teaching degree. There's no other source of income at this point. I worry about how on earth I am going to find a way to work in exercise, with DB's ballet work (he goes 10 - 12 hours per week) and the practice and Husband's hurt back (yesterday, shoveling snow, and now he can't drive) and and and. Where can I fit in that kind of time for myself? Honestly, I tend to want to READ if I'm taking time for myself, not exercise. Also, it feels really really selfish to take the time.

Part of this is tied up in where I put my energy and get my rewards. Like my mother, I have made my career a huge focus and giant source of self esteem. Don't get me wrong. My work is hard. It's a specialty area and I'm good at it. And I like getting self esteem units in any format. But my sense of being just a fat horse pulling a heavy wagon, with no other input, that is just not healthy.

Unlike my mother, I also get huge esteem and have big focus on my little family. Mother really didn't seem to like being a mother, but she taught me some important lessons (bag home ec class and take chemistry) and I am grateful to her for that. I know I am a much better mother than she was. I can say that without any hesitation. She never had any fun, never too much time for herself except for working. That's what being born in the 20's will do for ya.

Anyway, it has been growing on me for some time that I have really become a one or two trick pony (to keep our horse metaphor going) and that in the process, I have bored myself (and likely others) to tears. When I was a teenager (in the pre-cambrian era), I wasn't like that. I was quite social and played four instruments and acted in plays and was drivesified in character. I miss that aspect of myself. There's no going back to high school (thanking god for that) but it is time to diversify my psychological portfolio (especially since my financial one can be depressing).

I think that's where this blog comes in. I think that's where Kelly's inspiration comes in. I think that's why I've been playing with wool. And wanting to paint, which is hysterical, because I have no artistic talent, WHATSOEVER. Honestly, I cannot draw a straight line. And thinking about exercise. Exercise time that is just for me. Exercise time that I like. In grad school I did Jazzercise. I loved it. That was what helped me lose quite a bit of weight. I was about 125 pounds. I was really really physically healthy. I loved it so much, I used to get a discount on classes because I worked as the person who checked people in. But that was twenty-five years ago. And I cannot wrap my head around liking anything remotely associated with cardiovascular stuff, for all kinds of reasons, including the ones I've talked about here.

However these thoughts may be related to all these weird dreams I keep having. Monday night, it was that the house was burning down around me. Last night, the tornado dreams returned.

I think it was Karl Jung who said that the house is the symbol of the self. If that's the case, then something really is afoot.

Oh and Good Scale read 202.8 this morning. I'm back into reasonable territory again.


  1. You are SOOOO close to Onederland! Awesome!!!

  2. Although I don't own a business, I do get it. Working full time and being mom (which is ALSO full time) leaves little time for ourselves. When I first started, the guilt I felt for taking time away from my family was awful!! There were times when I literally cried from the frustration because I knew I needed to do it, but felt like I was cheating my son or husband out of something if I did. What changed? My husband fully supports me heading to the gym, and has picked up more of the slack around the house so I still have my time with Chris AND the elliptical. Some weeks are more hectic than others, but there's always time for a quick 30 min DVD in the living room.

    The hard part is changing your thinking.. It is not selfish to make your health a priority- if anything, it's your job as a mother to take care of yourself!! If not, who's going to take care of your family if something happens to you? You're also going to feel better (I think that's why husband is so supportive of it). With my anxiety issues, exercise is literally like medicine to me.. Too many days in between does not bode well. So I'm healthier and happier, and my family directly benefits from that.

  3. I'm a big blubbering emotional mess! Thank you so much for mentioning my blog. I'm so touched that it inspired you. I sometimes forget that people other than a handful of "real-world" friends actually read the thing. Its amazing how one little corner of the blogosphere can connect you to so many wonderful people!

    2011 will be a wonderful year for you. Look at all the great things happening already! I'm glad you started your blog so that we can all follow along for the ride :)

  4. You guys need to go over to Kelly's blog. (Um, except for you, Kelly, as you are already there) and read it from the beginning. Read her first 5K blog. And OMG read the Disneyland Half Marathon post. That just killed me. I cried so hard that the dog came in and looked at me, just to make sure I was OK. She's a true inspiration to me.


Thanks for your posts. It's the best reinforcement I can have that has no calories.