One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever

I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Beagle's Worth of Fat Off My Ass

Finally. FINALLY. It's been about a month and I finally made it twenty pounds. It's a third of what I want to lose but it's OFF. This is the weight of an average beagle.

I had this infantile fantasy that somehow, I would happily diet along and that the weight would just FALL off and I would not notice it and that this would be easy.

Boy was I wrong. I feel like I have had to suffer and fight for every one of those pounds. It is daunting to think that this is only going to get harder as I get closer to goal weight and not easier. But it must be done. It MUST be.

Super Bowl Sunday is tomorrow - we are having SMW and the Hilarious Pastor over. SMW (Sexy Minister's Wife) is on a "belly diet" so that's a good thing - I'll have a partner in my healthful eating for the day. I am telling Darling Husband that the purchase of fattening Super Bowl Day foods will be up to him. I'm not even purchasing that shit.

Instead, I went to Whole Foods and today, I did not feel self-conscious at all. Indeed, TWO complete strangers struck up a conversation with me, and both gave me their cards. The first one was Ali, who owns the Middle Eastern Restaurant that I just adore. He noticed all of my greens. I let him know I was on a diet but that the first time I was able to eat at a restaurant, I was making a bee line for his place (his hummus is just to die for). He GIVES ME HIS CARD and says "No No, If you need your food prepared specially, just call me ahead of time. It's no problem." Then he said that I should not lose too much more weight, which of course was a lie, but it was a nice little flirty lie. The next person was by the Salsa Testing Table. She also noticed my Pile O' Kale and in her charming little New York Accent gave me a nifty recipe to prepare it and then we launched into a discussion of her job as a personal travel agent. She gave me her card and said that she would take my entire family to India or Peru. WOW.

Usually I am the one who approaches people, but this time, no. Perhaps I smell really nice today?

OK, back to drinking More Water. How much do you drink? Aren't we supposed to drink half our body weight in water, per day? Wow. I'd better get at it then.


  1. Your weigh x 1/2 ounce of fluids per day - total calories eaten x .00345 (fluids in food) = what you need per day

  2. OH MY GOD that involves more math than I am capable of! OK OK, I'll get the calculator!

  3. A Beagle's Worth of Fat Off My Ass- ba ha ha ha lmao! you crack me up. Our beagle was 55 lbs when we got her.. she was one fat beagle!

    It WILL get easier for you to lose weight the longer you do it. You won't have to fight all your bad habits because you will be replacing them with new good ones. And if you don't, you should, otherwise it will indeed be a constant battle.

    That's why I'm such a bitch about cutting the crap out of my diet and learning how to eat healthier options. No matter how you look at it.. if you continue to make brownies a part of your regular diet, even "diet" ones.. you're still doing the same stuff that got you big in the first place. I just can't have that junk in my house. I don't want to learn how to eat it in moderation, I don't need it at all! I can't handle the mental battle of fighting with the ice cream in the freezer. So that's why it get's easier. I quit sabbotaging myself.

    And I'm totally with you. If someone wants crap they can go get it themselves! Good for you!

  4. Wait wait wait-you were just wanting your 20 pounds yesterday, now today you have it??? That is great! Congrats on your beagle!

    Polar's Mom

  5. Hello. I came across your blog through Bringing Pretty Back and I was compelled to check you out because of your blog title. I too am on a mission to lose weight before my 50th. I'd like to follow you and stay in touch. Congrats on your 20lbs!!!!

  6. Well sis---went out to Pearl's oyster bar for dinner and followed your lead. Had ahi tuna blackened, broccoli, salad (no dressing) took off the ff onions on the top. Lost no wt., but did feel good about not eating all of the fat items on the menu. Cell phone is lost---call me on land line. Older sis Congrats on more wt. loss!!!

  7. Yaaaaaaaayayayayayayaaaaay!! Go Granny Panties, Go!!


Thanks for your posts. It's the best reinforcement I can have that has no calories.