This phase of my weight loss involves this super low calorie diet. This is only for a period of forty days or so. It's like being in a dietary monastery and I really really like it. Not many choices, lots of structure and lots of prayer (me, praying before I step on the Good Scale each morning).
I know that this phase is temporary and designed to help me withdraw from old eating patterns and become ready to incorporate new ways of thinking. This goes along merrily until an old friend from out of town came into town. We are, of course, taking her out to dinner. I am, of course, anxious. I looked at the menu. WOW, it looks deeelicious. However, I'll have to be one of "those" diners who ask for special treatment with the preparation of the food. And because I'm a FAT HOG, I will feel all self conscious, as if they will be saying to themselves, "poor fat thing trying to eat in a particular way to lose weight... it's hopeless." Now I realize that this is all really really bad self talk. I know that people don't give a rat's ass about my size, my order or what. I have been told that I am particularly charming with waiters, so likely the waiter will happily abide by my requests. It's just that being fat has been such a presence in my life. I hate hate hate drawing attention to it with strangers, with my special dietary requests.
I am not a shy person. Except in the area of the corpus - the body - the physical. Then, I just want to hide.
OK friends who have lost a bunch of weight and are now no longer viewed as obese by the public: How does it feel? When do you stop feeling self conscious? Ever?
In any event, I've pounded water today and had two egg whites, plus one egg. That should be low calorie enough to help me not totally fuck up my SLOW (but generally steady) weight loss.
The Good Scale read 195.4 today. It needs to give me my TWENTY POUND MARK DAMMIT.
Wish me luck.
One Woman's Quest to Lose Large and Ugly Panties Forever
I've had it with ugly panties that fit my large behind. I'm done with clothes for the large woman that just aren't as cute as the clothes I wore twenty years ago. I'm tired of wheezing as I go up the stairs. I've got sixty pounds to lose - because on my fiftieth birthday, I'm dancing naked in a thong, dammit. And it better be pretty. This little bunny rabbit is hopping me down the weight loss lane. I wanted a pair of big granny panties rolling through the grass, but I'm not computer savvy.
"OK friends who have lost a bunch of weight and are now no longer viewed as obese by the public: How does it feel? When do you stop feeling self conscious? Ever?"
ReplyDeleteI'm totally going over this in my head all day, every day. Sucks.
You're a good one on that low calorie thing. GO GIRL! I think I'd starve. I'm always hungry! I love your weight today though and wish I were where you are...
ReplyDeleteI'm wishing you all the luck in the world. I hope that 20 lbs mark comes and goes with a blink of the eye.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I'll ever get past feeling like the fat girl. I don't even see in the mirror to much changes until I look at pictures.
You are rocking along my dear. Take care and God Bless!!!
I agree with McGee and Julie-I think I will always feel self-conscious, because that has been ingrained into my habits from when I was a thin high schooler. But maybe I will surprise myself in 25 pounds. But just fitting better into smaller clothes helps my interactions with people, I'm less shy to speak up, though I still wonder what they think about me in my head. Hopefully this voice will be the same thing that keeps me from regaining the weight. Gotta look for the positive! Good luck on your dinner...I really think people appreciate an effort to eat healthy and chefs probably like healthy orders 'cause there is that much less they have to do to make the food! ;-)
ReplyDeletePolar's Mom
www.polarspage.blogspot.com
You gals are fabulous. I was able to manage pretty well at dinner. Had Ahi Tuna lightly seared, asked them to ditch the rice, and put the MUSTARD CREAM SAUCE (Oh My God) in a wee dish on the side. Had asparagus w/the tuna and had a lot of lettuce. The cheating was as follows: Used a sparing amount of the mustard cream sauce on the fish by dipping it in. It was pure heaven. Also had one bite of son's pork/bbq dealie. Glorious. Finally, had one half a glass of wine/club soda. About 50 cals.
ReplyDeleteI am sure I went over my 500 cal mark and I also imagine I'll have a wee gain tomorrow, but all in all, and especially for 25.00 a plate, it was completely worth it. It was wonderful to see our friend and I was feeling - well not starving - not really completely satisfied, because satisfied in the past meant stuffed to the gills - but it was a lovely evening and now I can go to bed and feel that I've accomplished something.
xoxoxo to all of you on here. xoxoxoox
I'm proud of you, you're doing great!
ReplyDelete